Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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