Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
