glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
