I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Welp...herpes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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