I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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