Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
