Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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