i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
