your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found your dick twin last night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
