I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
People in love make me want to vomit
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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