I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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