your parents love me but you hate me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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