Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
