so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
