So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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