Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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