We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
