The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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