Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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