Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wear drunk well.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
