I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize