I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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