I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
