i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
