He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
