two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
