I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
