i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize