yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize