oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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