Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
