I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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