He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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