Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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