Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize