is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
