I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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