Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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