so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
