After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
