I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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