tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
