Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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