I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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