just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
