He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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