shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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