I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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