yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
