i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
