guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
