whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my being single is dangerous.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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