dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
