Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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