I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
