just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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