So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
