And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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