Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize