would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
