Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize