She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
