she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
