I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
