Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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