i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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