marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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