I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
