Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
