Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
