woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
